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02 Apr 2004

WHAT TO DO!
Hi all, this is my complicated story: I dated this amazing guy briefly five years ago, since then I were involved with one other man for two years and ended 6 months ago, and this amazing guy went back to his girlfriend. Today I am not sure what to do as I have fallen in love with this guy AGAIN and this time its really bad and I know that he feels the same but we dont allow ourselves to talk about it. I know I cant and never will cause of the respect I have for his girlfriend...

I want to know why it is so difficult to just be friends, with all the chemistry flying around between the two of us. At parties if his girlfriend is not present he would hold my hand and that is where it stops, he buys be gifts and phones me everyday just to say hi and to know how I am doing and then that uncomfortable silence before we say goodbye.

We tried for 5 years to just be friends and we are still trying and I am hoping that this amotions and chemistry will fade away as soon as possible.

I also find it difficult to date other guys because I dont want him to distance himself from me everything I do I have him on my mind and its eating me up inside. People are also starting to notice and all our mutual friends our best friends are questioning teh tension between us and its becoming worse..

I need help, I cant stay away anymore, I have been doing that all the time for the past 5 years and when I get back after a couple of months its back to square one. I need something that will work.... Any ideas? please.... :-(
Answer 292 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Dear Cooler,
At some levels it's very easy to understand why this has been so uncomfortable for you and why you find it hard to give him up --- because you have never given him up. You both seem to be trying to get the best of both worlds, a policy that often leads to getting the worst of both worlds. And whereas he is getting the advantages of his gf AND his relationship with you, you are getting a small share of him, and nothing else, because you are not allowing yourself to get properly involved in any other relationship, waiting for Mr Amazing. This has been an awfully long period of continuing the uncertainty. If your friends have noticed what's going on, surely, before long, the story will get back to his gf anyway, and cause the problems you think you might be avoiding.
Don't you two need to speak frankly about this, and decide either that you and he will STOP meeting, he continues with his gf, and you move on with your life ; or he decides to break up as kindly as possible with his gf, and to start a serious relationship with you. trying to have a little of each is not viable in the long run, increases the tensions, and does not prevent the problems.
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