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30 Jan 2006

Will waiting help
During lunch time i sat my wife down and talked to her about our marriage that isnt as strong as it should be. Especially our sex life as i mentioned earlier. For the first time in years we talked our hearts out. She didnt realise how i felt. Which made me angry because i have told her a few times already. But i didnt say anything. I mentioned the fact that i have lost 22kg was all for her. And what she said bothers me. Tell me if i am being silly. She said that she never married me because of my looks but purely for my personality. That made me feel ugly. Maybe i am being over sensitive but it hurt me. I have never thought myself to be a Bradd Pitt or George Clooney, i am more a Vin Diesel. But it hurt me to think that she never though of me as attractive.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Isn;t it remarkable how much it helps to try to calmly talk things out ? And even as to her not realizing how you felt -- you may have told her before, but that doesn't mean that she recognized and realized it then. I don't think she meant her commend to hurt your feelings --- she was trying, I think, to emphasize that you didn't need to worry so much about your looks, because she valued your personality, and who you are ( which is something that lasts far longer than anyone's looks ). I doubt that she meant to say she never found you attractive, but that she never based the relationship on only that. As Frusty says, many people, especially women, are much more inclined to feel romantic towards a person's depths rather than superficial looks.
Why not consider getting both of you involved in a few sessions of marriage counseling to further sort things out ?
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