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11 Jan 2006

coming out
hi, am trying to tell parents i am bi, but can't quite get the words out. I know they won't care and they probably suspect i am bi/gay anyway. Could use some advice.
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Gay, lesbian and bisexual expert
Gay, lesbian and bisexual expert

01 Jan 0001

Hi Need Some Advice and welcome to our forum.

It seems pretty clear, from your second message that your parents are accepting of your not being straight - they've even said this to you. Your reluctance to tell them probably isn't about them - it's about you.

It is possible that you have negative associations with being bisexual or gay - possibly you feel guilty, inadequate, embarrassed or you think you may have let your parents down. It doesn't sound as if your parents are homo-prejudiced or homophobic, but it is still possible that you've internalised some social homophobia. It could also be that - for whatever reason - you associate being gay with 'sex' and feel uncomfortable discussing intimate matters with your parents.

There's no need to rush coming out so relax about it and bide your time. Think about what being gay means to you and challenge your negative assumptions - ask yourself how real those assumptions are? what are they based on? If you don't feel able to resolve this you could consider seeing a gay-friendly counsellor, who would help you resolve your conflict. You can also call the Gay & Lesbian Helpline on (021) 4 222 500 any day between 1pm and 9pm - the counsellor on duty will call you back so you won't have to pay for the call.

There's no rule about how to come out. If you still find that you can't say it - to maybe just one parent - you could consider writing a letter. I am sure your parents will understand.

Please post again and let us know how you're doing.
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