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Question
19 Sep 2007
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Getting over him...
I dated an excellent, passionate, intimate, highly energetic, intense, scary, fantastic, best-man I've ever had for almost 4 years of my life. He was my first and only love. We got along like a house on fire and really had a healthy sex life and we spoke to each other about anything. Then I cheated on him. Stupid I know. We got back together but things were never the same. It eventually frizzled out. I finally forgave myself for what I did and left and came overseas. Its now almost s year later since we officially broke up and I still can't get over him. I love him to bits. I think about my first love virtually every day. I've tried meeting other people but they don't even compare to him. I feel like I've left my other half behind. I ran away. How do I get rid of this feeling? Does it ever go away? Does one ever get over their first love? Sometimes I think I'm feeling like this bcoz one day we are destined to be in each others arms again. I dont know. Any opinions/suggestions?
Gay, lesbian and bisexual expert
Hi Sigh and thanks for your post.
I assume you're posting from somewhere overseas now (?), and that you're relatively young (?), both of which may exacerbate your longing for a time when you felt really safe and secure and loved, as you did in your relationship. Sometimes when we long for a previous relationship it isn't the relationship as such that we miss, but rather who we were in that relationship. It could also be that you're also longing for other aspects of your life you may have left back home. Is it possible that you are over-valuing your ex partner by seeing him, and the relationship, as ONLY good?
Maybe you shouldn't be trying so hard to get over him - that should be a natural process. Rather invest in yourself and your immediate world and try to find more meaning and pleasure in your life.
Finally, I hope you're not in contact with him in any way - any contact, even indirect, will definitely hold you back.
I assume you're posting from somewhere overseas now (?), and that you're relatively young (?), both of which may exacerbate your longing for a time when you felt really safe and secure and loved, as you did in your relationship. Sometimes when we long for a previous relationship it isn't the relationship as such that we miss, but rather who we were in that relationship. It could also be that you're also longing for other aspects of your life you may have left back home. Is it possible that you are over-valuing your ex partner by seeing him, and the relationship, as ONLY good?
Maybe you shouldn't be trying so hard to get over him - that should be a natural process. Rather invest in yourself and your immediate world and try to find more meaning and pleasure in your life.
Finally, I hope you're not in contact with him in any way - any contact, even indirect, will definitely hold you back.
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