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09 Jan 2006

In love with one of my best friends
Hi, i'm bisexual but have not told anyone yet, i am planning to very soon. The problem is that i have fallen in love with one of my best friends who is also a male. I have tried to let it go but i can't everytime i see him i fall for him again. I want to tell him how i feel in hope that he feels the same way back but am afraid of rejection and ruining a great friendship.

He has never said that he is bisexual or gay, but then nither have I. All i know is that he never talks about girls, ever, the ones that are interested in him he never seems to be interested back, he always comes up with an excuse like they are like a sister to him when he doesnt even really know them that well.

In our friendship groups everyone guys and girls hug each other wehn saying hi or goodbye, he always seems more interested in hugging the boys hi and goodbye than the girls, he never initates the huggs with girls but does with the guys.

I have never asked him whether or not he is bi or gay, when ever the topic of homosexuality comes up he is accepting of homosexuals but says how he wuldnt want his brothers to be gay. I don't know if this is because he is dealing with it privatly himself and does not want them to have to go through the same thing or he just doesnt want them to be gay.

When ever he is around me, he always seems to be more interested in me than anyone else around, and from time to time i have noticed him get jelous if i spend a lot of time talking to another guy. It sometimes seems that he is trying to amke me jelous by talking to other guys alot and ignoring me, but as soon as i begin to talk with another guy for a while he usually jumps right in, calls me over or will say "so are you just going to ignore me the whole night?" when i havent done anything to make him jelous really.

I know he loves me as a friend because he has told me so, and i know i mean a lot to him as when we had our last day at school ever he cried when he said goodbye to me (we went to different colleges), but cried on no one else and kept tellin me how much he was going to miss me.

I don't no if i'm reading to much into this, i suppose that i love him so much that i just want him to feel the same way about me.

Do you think there is anything there?
Do you think i am reading to much into this?

any advise will be very much appreciated.
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Expert
Gay, lesbian and bisexual expert
gay, lesbian and bisexual expert

01 Jan 0001

Hi In Love and thanks for your post.

Although you wonder whether you're reading the situation too positively, and possibly projecting your own feelings onto him, it does seem that there's a close emotional bond between you and your friend. Others may disagree with me but I don't think this sounds like brotherly love.

I'd be wary of just coming out with it and telling him how you feel - I suggest you allow what seems to already exist in the relationship to emerge naturally. Perhaps you and your friend need to spend some quality, relaxed and comfortable time together. Use your imagination and take the initiative - plan a weekend away, invite him out to dinner, pack a picnic basket and head off somewhere. Try a touch of good old-fashioned romance and see where that takes you. If you're right about his feelings for you he'll welcome the opportunity of being alone with you.

You sound very insightful and caring of your friend and I'm sure you'll recognise the right time to tell him how you feel. Good luck to you and please keep us posted.
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