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13 Feb 2006
Married man caught in a bind
I have been happily married for 11 years. Now I meet a wonderful man and fall in love and have great sex. I have good sex with the wife as well and have just had a kid. I live a double life and a lie each day, I know I turn your stomachs!!! Is there anyone out there who has been in the same situation. I can leave my wife and live with John, but is this phase going to last will I love him forever. Are there any gays out there who have had happy loving furfilling relationships?? Will I miss the wife and duaghter too much and will I make John unhappy, because of my moods?I just want your vote if I should follow my heart or not.
Hi Joe, welcome and thanks for posting here. Your life is sounding very complicated at the moment.
Call me old fashioned but I have a problem with someone leaving their partner for someone else. I find that cruel and heartless. Rather, we should terminate a relationship if it is no longer functional and we've attempted all means to resolve it. I'm thus opposed to you using John to leave your wife. Leave John out of the equation, if you can - he merely complicates things. Be bold enough to make a decision based on the reality of your current marriage and your family, in the context of who you are as a person. Whether you'll love John forever is an irrelevant and superficial factor on which to base your decision.
You haven't told us whether you're bisexual or gay, and you haven't mentioned your feelings for your wife. Other than to express concern that your missing her and your daughter may impact negatively on John. Would this be a good time to leave your wife, after she's just had a baby?
You asked for votes: my vote is that you need to give this some very serious thought, taking factors other than John into account.
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