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31 Jan 2006

please help!am i bisexual?
I dont know how to explain this. but i am 19 years old and i have a new bestfriend that i have been hanging out with every night. she comes over and stays in the same room as me and my boyfriend..well we kindof always flirt believe it or not. like when she has to tell me a secret in our bedroom..she will crawl on top of me and lay in a kissing position and its kind of a turn on. and then she holds my hand when she sleeps next to me and my boyfriend..we dont fully hold hands but we hold a finger or too..and sometimes i cuddle up next to her..and i doesnt bother her cuz she does it to me also. its like we act this way back and could be just because we are close bestfriends..but then again..i get turned on by it..or maybe i just like the feeling of being close??please write back really shy about this. and i have not told anyone because i would never see myself to like another female so i am really shy.
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Gay, lesbian and bisexual expert
gay, lesbian and bisexual expert

01 Jan 0001

Hi M Courtney and welcome to our forum.

It sounds as if you guys are playing quite an intimate game without giving it any sexual label - and there's absolutely no problem with that, provided that you're both completely comfortable. It is possible that your having a boyfriend is functional in this regard in that it 'neutralises' either of you having to acknowledge the sexualised content of your interactions. At the same time it seems as if you two have a close bond that makes it 'safe' to explore this.

You need to get over the fact that no-one is 100% straight - we're all situated somewhere on a continuum between being 100% straight and 100% gay. You're fortunate that you have this opportunity to explore your own sexuality. Being intimate with your friend doesn't necessarily make you lesbian. There's no need to hold back.

You need to factor your boyfriend in as well - don't use him as a foil to maintain your heterosexuality if you're not sincerely attracted to him both sexually and romantically.

Please post again and tell us how you're doing.

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