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11 Jan 2006

sex shops
Good day

Is ther a problem in going to sex shops and live out your fantacies there. I am married and consider myself as bi. Sometimes I would goto these shops and live out my fantacies there instead of at home.

Please help.
Answer 593 views
Gay, lesbian and bisexual expert
gay, lesbian and bisexual expert

01 Jan 0001

Hi Koos, welcome and thanks for posting here. I also appreciate your posting in English.

I'm not sure how you'd like to define 'problem' in this instance - some moralists would probably see it as a problem that, as a married man, you're having sex with other men. Others would say that many married bisexual men go to sex shops and that therefore it is 'normal'.

In many large cities sex shops offer a convenient venue for bisexual men to meet others. Venues that show porn - usually both straight and gay porn - are particularly popular. Many MSM (a term we've often used on this forum, referring to 'Men who have Sex with Men' - irrespective of their sexual orientation) visit such venues - they don't need to fear being seen entering these spaces by their friends because these shops are not identified as gay venues. (To explain the concept of MSM further, you need to accept that many men who identify as 100% straight also sometimes engage sexually with other men. MSM is an internationally-recognised acronym and you'll find plenty of information if you do a google search. Recently the concept of MALES who have Sex with MALES has become more accepted because adult 'manhood' is recognised at different ages in various cultures.)

I am more concerned about the fact that, as a bisexual, heterosexually married man you need to act out your fantasies in a 'seedy' sex shop. Many men in your situation I have spoken to express feelings of guilt and shame, most talk about intense conflict and some display features of sexual addiction. At an extreme, men who engage in regular clandestine sex in ‘seedy’ venues (including sex shops and public toilets) feel so negatively about their homosexual acts that they develop a sense of needing to be 'punished' and don't always practice safer sex. This places both them and their wives at risk of STIs and HIV infection.

On the other hand I have spoken to many men who feel very comfortable with having sex in sex shops and find this a functional outlet for their homoerotic impulses.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.
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