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24 Sep 2006

Something about honesty
OK here goes, we've been together for close on 5 years and in that time I've cheated on my bf about six times. All in the 1st two years of our being together. The relationship is great and I can't think what it would be like without him, I really love him and look forward to coming home to him. The cheating all happened in when we lived in Durban but then we moved to Jhb. Now one of the guys I cheated with loved into our block of flats, we recognised each other imstantly but I pretended not to. To make it worse though it turns out that we have friends in common with him and he's invited everyone - a few of our friends and my bf and me - to his house-warming party and I'm scared he'll say someting to either my bf or to one of our friends. Maybe even that he knows me, that will be enough to cuase a lot of trouble becuase I never admitted that I knew him. He doesn't know I've turned over a new leaf so how do I play this one? Talk to him, or talk to my bf, or talk to my friends? Or just ride it out and see what happens? My life is really good now and I don't want to rock the boat.
Answer 292 views
Gay, lesbian and bisexual expert
gay, lesbian and bisexual expert

01 Jan 0001

Hi Feeling Stuck, welcome to our forum and thanks for posting here.

Assume responsibility for the situation and manage it - don't allow it to simply unfold around you. You have several options.

You could, for example, have an adult conversation with the guy who moved into your building - acknowledge him and explain to him that you're now in a monogamous relationship which you really value. At the same time, you need to be wary that you'll be forming an alliance with him to keep information from your partner and trying to 'cover up' something that shouldn't have happened. This adds a new sheen to that niggling little issue of trust that so often trips us up. Ideally, of course, you'd be able to sit your bf down and come clean, explaining to him what happened while you still lived in Durban and how things have changed since then.

Only you can decide how to play this one but I suggest you don't just sit back and adopt a wait-and-see attitude.
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