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12 Aug 2008

16 year old son - help for dad
I recently walked in on my son and his girlfriend - he was nude and she was giving him oral sex.

I know that they were both really embarrassed about it and he has not spoken to me properly since.

What can I do? I told them at the time that it was unacceptable behaviour but now I think maybe I have been to harsh on them as they are not allowed to be home alone anymore.

I know what is was like to be 16 and I can' t say that I was doing anything different when I was his age and I don' t want him to think that I am an old prude.

Any advice please.....!
Answer 502 views
Teen expert
teen expert

01 Jan 0001

Hi Rob,

I am sure this was embarrassing for all concerned, and that this is why your son is not really speaking with you at the moment. He may also be angry that you just walked into his room without knocking which at his age will feel like an invasion of his privacy. Also telling him that this was unacceptable - what did you mean by this? He may be left feeling that being sexual is unacceptable, and regardless of your views on this he will need to make his own decisions where his sexuality is concerned - and guidance rather than rules are what are required. You may have also left them feeling "dirty" with your rule about them not being alone in the house together. The honest truth is that if they want to have sex they will simply not be honest with you, or go somewhere else where they may not be as safe.

Consider making the first move by apologising for just walking into his room, and if you are unhappy about them being sexual in your house then you need to speak with him abot this - but remember what I said about them just going elsewhere. Above all normalise what was happening between them rather than leaving him feeling that he is somehow not normal sexally for what they have done.

A comment was made on here about the age of consent for boys being 18. THIS IS NOT CORRECT - The age of consent for everyone - male, female, straight, gay and bi is 16 years old. It used to be 19 for boys but it was lowered in later legislation.
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