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05 Mar 2003

22 but mom decides life
Hi
My girlfriend is 22 years old. We have been living together now for about a year. A month ago she broke up with me saying her mom did not approve. Her mother actaully phoned me and said she does not approve of me etc.

Now my girlfriend was send to live with her dad when she was younger and so she is desperate for a mother figure so she got on well with my mom. So now that her mom wants to be a mother again she asked my girlfriend to leave me and come back home. Now things have gotten so out of hand that her mom desided what she should go study, desided on which friends she should see and desided that she can only marry someone that the mother is friends with hs family with.

Recently the mother found out my girlfriend has been lying to her about me and a few other things and now the mother has grounded her, taken away her mobile phone and basically is treating her like a child. i keep telling my girlfriend to do what she wants and what makes her happy, but she keeps saying she has to get the approval of her mother. All her friends think this is unhealthy and wrong and that she is destined for bigger heartache and unhappiness.

She wants to do her own thing and she wants to come back to me but she keeps saying she cant instead of wont or dont want to. She is afraid her mother might reject her again despite all efforts we have made to assure her that her mother wont reject her due to a boyfriend or friend.

What should she do? Learn the hard way or how can we make her see sense?
I really feel very sorry for her, because she is not happy and is not where she wants to be. Help!
Answer 330 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Dear frustrated,
It's sad to hear of this 2-year-old who is being so infantile in relation to a mother who obviously has the mothering skills of the average slug. The trouble is that she is a voluntary prisoner of a person who seems to have confused mothering with bullying. Of course it is an unwholesome situation, especally as in her relationship with you and your mother, she has access to healthy relationships which would enable her to grow and mature, rather than to a smothering mother who is trying to lead her own failed life through her daughter.
Who knows e best way to help her escape the clutches she has chosen to enter. Remaining friendly and accessable, continuing to point the way to the open door and the adantages of freedom ; ultimately she has to make the decision herself.
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