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19 Jul 2010

5 year old
HI CS, I got into an argument with a 5 year old. This weekend she came by to watch a movie and wiped her hands all over the couch and I was stunned and asked her to stop she looked right at me in the eye and wiped all over the couch (it was deliberate ) I have never seen a child so disrespectful before and she really upset me. Having supper with the whole family she sits next to me and startskicking my chair
(nobody sees this) so I moved my chair and asked her to stop then she turns to her side and starts kicking my knee. This horrible monster was tormenting me and everybody thinks she''s an angel. Last night she did the same thing and I lost control and told her what I thought of her she then started to hit me and kick me and threw a tantrum. Should I have just ignored the brat or was I right to kick her out the house. (She lives on the same property) My husband and everbody else decides to pet her after this awful behaviour and it''s like ther''s something wrong with me. As kids we were never allowed to bahave like this especially in someone else''s home.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

How often does anyone win an argument with a 5-year-old ?
Anyhow, sounds like you met a real little monster with parents presumably utterly neglectful as to discipline and teahing her respect for others. What I find curious is how such brats manage to convince some foolish parents and others that they are angelic - apparently awesome skills at manipulation of others.
But you mention her "coming round", i.e. visiting. Simply tell her and her parents that her inconsiderate and ugly behaviour is intolerable, and that she will no longer be acepted as a guest in your house unless and until she learns basic discipline and consideration for others - and apologises sincerely to you.
Expect protests from the lazy parents, but recognise those for what they are.
YOu were absolutely right to expel her, and need a serious though calm talk with your husband about how he needs to recognize monsters when they arrive, and not fall for the kids smarm
I appreciate Purple's points, but I doubt whether the gentle approach would have any chance of working when, as I strongly suspect, her parents actively encourage her selfish and antisocial behaviour. When a child has learned that she is entitled to do anything she pleases and without consequences, she'd consider such helpful and kindly responses as simply evidence that you were soft and a perfect target.
Purple's approach would be ideal for her own parents to use. But in the hopefully short times she is with you, you can't undo the harm they have already been doing and the attitudes which they are so firmly re-inforcing.

It is NOT normal for a 5-year-old to behave in this manner. It is normal for them to challenge the envelope and test out the rules and discipline wherever they are, but not to be so defiant - and apparently able to rely on total support and encouragement from her parents.
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