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06 Feb 2013

5 Year old again
HI Doc,
My 5 yr old and his behavoiur problems again - his teacher said he did very well at school yesterday, much to my relief. I think he realises this is all serious now. I let him know I am very proud of him, but I have also not lifted the ban on TV yet. He has until Friday to maintain this good behaviour and then he will be allowed watch his favorite programs. I''ve explained it takes more than oneday to get through this.
Am I treating him too much like a grown child? He understands very well why all this is happening.
I also found he tends to ignore me when I talk to him. Yesterday, while having a shower, he completely ignored what I was saying and continued talking about school. I said to him at least 3 times to finish up in the shower and then we can sit and discuss his schoolwork properly, but its like doesn''t hear what I say and just carries on, until I eventually shouted. Only then did he listen. I believe he has been having this same attitude toward his teacher.
His teacher moved our meeting to the end of term, to give him time to adjust and focus more in class after this weeks issues, as she was pleased with him yesterday.
Last night I could see he was very troubled, and not really relaxed in his sleep. He eventually came to sleep with me, and I knew he just wanted security. I know we were very hard on him the other day, and my shouting yesterday was not a good thing.
Suddenly I feel I myself am seeing things in my child I may have previously seen as normal, like eg unnecessary attention seeking, and am now trying to rectify the wrongs.
I never know what is the right thing to do, but he does get a lot of love, attention and affection, but I realised I also let him get away with a lot of certain attitudes unacceptable in a 5yr old. He''s not a rude child, I always teach him to say please and thank you at home, do not scream for me from another room, come find me and talk to me properly, pick up after yourself, help me to tidy up, etc, always from a young age, and I''m trying to find where I''ve really fallen short.
I believe his behaviour at school could be attention seeking and am wondering if having been in creche from such a young age could be the reason he''s like this now? I have no choice but to have my children cared for and creche was a good option as there was no one reliable I could find to care for them at home.
The fact that he is quick to hit out at other children still boggles me and I once again wonder if there was a lack of control at creche when he first did this.
I''m certainly not making excuses for him, he cannot and will not get away with this behaviour, but I''m not sure where to start.
His father leaves to work in another country next week, so once again I''m alone. He will be back in 6 months. I''m worried that this will affect my child too.
Answer 312 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Purple's probably right. It's easy to over-think, though underthinking might be worse - but he sounds like a normal, lovely and good child, who may be puzzled why he's not accused of doing something wrong without being sure what it was. Some teachers indeed do over-react, especially when they sense a nice and caring parent. He sounds like he's been normal and well cared for by you, all along. Relax !
Hitting other kids is unacceptable ( though tempered by what the other kids may have been doing ) but let him relax and be a boy

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