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07 Jun 2011

8 yr old
I am fostering a little girl (8yrs). She has contact with her Bio Mom. I am concerned that my little girl is feeling " caught in the middle" . She never tells her Bio Mom that she loves her although I am sure she does. Her Bio Mom tells her that she loves her all the time but my little girl does not say it back. She tells me she loves me. I try to re-assure her that it is okay for her to love her Bio Mom too. How do I know if she is feeling " caught in the middle"  or if I am over reacting?
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

There's really no way to KNOW such things, other than by asking the child ; more easily within a conversation rather than as a single fraught question. Maybe the child feels the need to assure you of her love for you, so you will remain caring for her, whereas she understand ( in whatever way, only she can tell you ) that she has currently lost biomom, so doesn't feel such need to confirm her love for biomom ? Maybe for some reason she actually doesn't love biomom as much, or in the same way, and so doesn't say it ?
As for the concern about being caught in the middle, similarly, include it within chat, that some kids feel that way in a situation like this, and its understandable and not a problem and how does she feel ?
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