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27 Oct

Dating mom
Hi CyberShrink, I'm a separated mother of 2 teenage boys. My husband and I lived separately in the same house for 7 months until he decided to move out in January 2020. Previously he filed for divorce and didn't go through with it. So we have a case idling and none of us has initiated it. I recently met someone and our relationship is progressing very well. I told the kids that their dad and I will not get back together ever.I would like to tell my kids that I'm dating but I don't know when and how to tell them. I am not telling them the entire truths about my whereabouts this days and I would like to stop hiding. Please advice? What is left for my marriage is divorce and will the fact that we are not divorced yet affect the kids?
Answer 296 views

28 Oct

Hello DM,
I understand your dilemma.  Surely, even if you had not yet met someone whose company you enjoy, it would not be a great idea to let things drift on and unresolved.  There's an old French saying that a door should be either open or shut.  So wouldn't it be wise to see a good local counsellor to clarify your thinking, perhaps involving your husband in some sessions, so you might jointly decide to either separate as cleanly and wholesomely as you can, for the sake of all of you ; or if you both find you want to rather try to fix the problems in the marriage, to do so jointly.
Then you would at least have a clear joint decision which you could both share with the kids,  discuss with them what living arrangements would best suit all of you, and conduct your new relationship openly and with better chances of success.  As it is, surely there must be a real risk that your children might find out about this relationship indirectly and react badly, and that trying to maintain secrecy about it might not be good for you, your friend or the relationship
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