Ask an expert
Question

28 Nov 2013

Difference between asexual and no sexual desire?
I recently watched a documentary about asexuality and I could really relate to the people in the film. I am 32, married, and have no children. I was a virgin when I got married at age 26. Since my first sexual experience, I have never liked sex. I thought it was supposed to be this great thing but to me it's like washing the dishes. I thought I had a low sex drive because of birth control but I have been off for over a year and I just don't want sex. All the info I read about low sex drive is about women whose sex drive has decreased or menopausal women. Mine never decreased, I never had it to begin with. I was just fine being a virgin and I would be ok if I never had sex again. I fantasize but I'm never in my fantasies, it's always anonymous people. I don't envision myself with some guy. I'm attracted to men but I just don't want intercourse with anyone. I think some men are attractive and I think maybe about kissing them but nothing more. I'm wondering if I am asexual or if my husband just doesn't know how to "push the right buttons" so to speak. I've never orgasmed but I have masturbated but never "climaxed". I was ok as a virgin before I got married and was never tempted to have sex. I like kissing and cuddling so I think I fit into this romantic asexual but I'm just not sure. I remember kissing during my college years and finding that fun but I just don't find sex appealing. In fact, I think it's kind of gross. In the film I watched, some people said similar things and I could totally relate to the feelings of just being neutral about sex. When the asexual people in the film said that they don't want sex, people were confused and I thought it just made sense. Right now, my husband and I have sex quite infrequently and it bothers me because I feel like we're supposed to have more but in actuality I'm ok without it. He would like to have kids and the thought of having that much sex turns me off. Am I just unattracted to my husband? Is it that he doesn't turn me on? Would I prefer a more sexually attractive man? Am I actually asexual? Or have I just not had any "good" sex yet? It has not affected my relationship because we go to bed at different times. Does anyone know the differences between being asexual (meaning no sexual attraction to anyone or no desire for a sexual relationship) and being sexually unfulfilled and/or bored? I enjoy male companionship I just don't want any intercourse.
Voting Booth
Have you entered our Health of the Nation survey?
Please select an option Oops! Something went wrong, please try again later.
Results
Yes
34% - 9270 votes
No
66% - 17925 votes
Vote