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30 Jul 2005

abusave father in law
I wonder if you can help me. Since my husband and i have met, my father in law was interfering in our relationship. He has the meanest things to say and he thinks nothing of it. He is an absolute power freak. It's his way or no way. He is very well off - moneywise - and he wants to control everyone. He has four children and he and mom in law are devorced. Since his children were small, he was emotionally abusing them. And many times fissically as well. He thinks that by having money he can rule and regulate all.

You see, the children have adapted the rule, let him speak and keep quite and he will stop. Let it in the one ear and out the other. But see, i wasn't brought up that way. My mom told us to never let anyone sit on your head. Fight for what is yours. So naturally i'm not gonna just let it flow. And we argue alot. He keeps on telling me that i'm a child - although i am 37 yrs old, and i have children of my own.

We are living on the same premises, -his off course-and at this stage i cannot take it anymore. He's calling me names and makes sure that he phones and talk to anyone that knows me and calls me a bitch and this and that. He even had the odasity to phone my parents and told them that i swored at him. NOT TRUE.

Last week he told my husband that he is going to kill us all. He causes conflict in all his childrens lives. I'm sitting in my house, with the doors locked and pray that he doesn't come to bother me.

How can i get rid of him allways interfering in our lives. Now that i don't want to talk to him he targets my children (not his own grandchildren but step grand children). O yes and he has NO respect for any women. He will just parade into our bedroom as he pleases, so i put up a sighn at the door stating 'please respect our privacy'. Now he tells everyone that i don't want him in my house.

I have no energy left. I'm falling in a deep depression. Please give me some advise.

Please forgive my spelling.
Thank you
Bitter
Answer 510 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

He does inded sound like a really nasty man. Such a man mainly has ( and abuses ) the power other people give him, by acepting his view of the world ( such as his idea that having money entitles him to do as he pleases and get other people to do what he wants ). But his other kids may be right, in that it is often wisest to ignore such a person, rather than to argue with him. This is NOT "giving in" --- indeed, you are more thoroughly giving in to him when you argue, as that gives him the conflict he wants, and lets him convince himself that you are wrong and that he is right --- it satisfies him.
Is there any major reason why, at the age you and your husband have reached, that you HAVE to live with him or in a place he owns ? Why can't you two become more independent, and in your own place ? And why has your husband apparently failed to protect you ? If the old man has truly threatened your family's life, that is a criminal offense. A counsellor might help you to plan a more realistic and happier way of life. but surely it is high time for your husband to show some independence and let you and his children live in greater freedom ?
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