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08 Aug 2007

acting on fantasy
I heard that sexual fantasies often mean something other than the obvious. My boyfriend of 4 years often wants me to engage in sexual activity with other men. He says it excites him. I believe in being faithful, and he assures me that he doesn't want another woman, but I have no desire to be with another man, yet I feel like I am not satisfying him if I don't want to. His ex-wife apparantely did it for him and I always feel like I'm lacking in compitition because I don't want to. It's not that I am 100% opposed to it, but I heard once that if you can imagine your partner with another, and it doesn't upset you, it's a sign your relationship is over. But in this case it seems oposite. He once told me I could be with another man if I wanted to as long as I told him about it. He would like that. But on the other hand, I want to prove that I am faithful, he is the only one I want. It just confuses me. I just wondered if his fantasy might mean something else, or if he just really wants me to go through with it. I know fantasy is very important in sexual satisfaction, I have fantasies myself. But for me, acting on my fantasies would ruin them. But for him, it seems it would only make them better. Any ideas????
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Fantasies are usually not harmful, so long as they remain within the realm of fantsy rather than being translated into literal reality. And a fantasy of one's partner having sex with others may be a turn-on as an idea, but in reality it requires infidelity, and risks STD and psychological problems. You absolutely do not need to, and should not, have sex with other men just because that turns him on --- if he felt turned on by the idea of you jumping over a cliff, I'd hope you wouldn't act this out just to please him, either. Dont dream of competing with his ex-wife --- if she was so foolish --- and she ended up as an EX-wife, that doesn't suggest the acting out of his fantasy in any way promoted or strengthened their relationship, does it ?
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