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Question

21 Jan 2009

Advice on Relationship
Good day,

I was in an mentally, physically, emotionally abusive relationship for 3 years as my partner was abusing substances. He moved to durban to stay clean and wants us to continue our relationship and sounds very sincere that he has changed and has admitted that he is an addict. I am not sure if I should give him another chance or move on as I don' t think I can let go of all he has put me through. It would be good to get an outsiders opinion. Please advise?
Thank you
Answer 386 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Abusers are brilliant at sounding sincere, and are not to be believed. Listen to what they do, not to what they say. If you want to even imagine re-joining him ( and that would probably never be a good idea ) postpone it for years, until he has got clean and stayed totally chemically clean for a couple of years, and even then be extremely cautious. Unless and until he has not only admitted that he is an addict and an abuser, and sincerely participated in proper expert treatment for both problems, to the point that his therapists consider he has significantly changed, assume there has been no change, and protect yourself while moving on with a free life on your own.
How many "last chances" does he expect to receive ?
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