Ask an expert
Question

22 Nov 2005

Affairs destroy
I wrote to u a couple of months ago re: my affair with a married man. I wrote about how I did not think myself strong enough to leave him and how I believed that one day we'll be together even though he was making all these promises that he has not fulfilled yet. After 5 years of being with him I walked away. It's been a week of no contact. I cant believe I managed to last this long. I am now faced with the fact that maybe he didnt really love me. That all those "cliche's" about married men never leaving their wives, having the best of both worlds are true. I am still in denial though. Does it now mean that he didnt really love me? Yet, he did so much for me. The worst part of it all is forgiving myself for hurting his wife. I am at a point where I am stuck and dont know how to move on. Do I call her and ask for her forgiveness? I've also met someone and he is the most amazing person. He knows what happened and is supportive in terms of how I am feeling now. For the first time I can now walk in public with my boyfriend and he gets along really well with my family and friends. However, I feel so much anger that I seem to be taking out on him. All the while he is so patient with me. I dont want to lose this man and need to find a way to get over my past. Yes,I know what I've done is wrong but does that mean I must feel guilty forever. Do I have a right to deal with things and then move on? What is the best way of dealing with this and ensuring that I move on with my new found life?
Answer 428 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Sorry this is so upsetting to you, Hurt, but there's no MAYBE about whether he didn't love you. Just because some saying are cliches doesn't mean they're not mostly true. What he did for you in the past, served his interests, so it was ultimately done for himself.
Its good for your soul that you regret what heppened and feel remorse. Don't just call the wife out of the blue, though --- she may not know of this affair, and your apology might bring her more sorrow. Maybe accept support from this other guy, but don't rush into a fresh relationship on the rebound ; rather wait till you've finished learning from this one. And see a counsellor to deal with all the other emotional baggage
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.