Pencil, I know how you're feeling. We lost our beloved cat of 18 years, recently, and though we knew she was declining rapidly, one dreaded geting up each morning to see if she was still with us, until the morning when I found her dead. Very sad. But of course you must go home, and can't avoid finding out whatever has happened. At least you will be able to remember him with joy, and satisfaction at all the love you all were able to give him, as well as to receive from him.