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10 Aug 2007

aged parent being unco-operative
My widower father in his 80s is in a well-run frail care centre in another province, where I and my siblings visit him from time to time. He still has all his marbles but has occasional periods of foggy-mindedness, forgetfulness, confusion, as expected for his age. He recently had a hip op and was asked by everyone to ask for assistance as often as possible. He was reassured by all that they preferred to have him a bit of a nuisance (as he called himself) rather than have him fall again.He didn't ask for help-he fell again- another injury. This is the pattern of his behaviour recently... the family and the staff at the centre are at wits' end. He will not avail himself of the help of any sort which we in fact pay for, and ends up being a real burden time after time. All concerned have held several meetings and with much love and concern tried to get him to co-operate, with no result. Suggestions?
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

He sounds a bitm like me --- I tend to make myself an almighty nuisance by the way I try so hard not to be any nuisance at all. Some of us are just stubbornly independent, and find it hard, even when frail or disabled, to ask for and accept help. hop's response is characteristically helpful and wise. A psychologist / counsellor can be helpful to work with him for a few sessions, to understand why he is finding this so hard, and to help him find a way to accept the help he needs, and to understand that asking for a little help when needed, can help to prevent him becoming more helpless and needing much more fussing over him. Good frail care facilities ought to be used to this sort of problem, amnd to be able to deal with it. In contrast, some people seem delighted to give up autonomy and to lie back and wait to be cared for
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