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06 Jun 2011

altruism
I am a psychology honours student. My bf says that my work and his work are not compatible. I want to help people, deal with people''s trauma, depression, suicide, etc where he has been in the military and has seen death and now only wants to see the world through rose coloured glasses. Okay, sometimes it does hit me a bit hard and I do take other people''s problems to heart and it makes me think about life, which makes him think we should not continue our relationship because when Im sad it makes him sad. I am battling to understand this as I thought altruism was a good quality. Please help me understand this. Thanks.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

But in a way, your work includes rose-tinting spectacles ? Seriously, it sounds as though he may have a fair amount of unresolved trauma which may deserve its own attention, which he might be trying to avoid. And maybe you also deserve some personal counselling to enable you to be more effectively empathic without being so negatively impacted by other people's problems. We like the caregiver to be kindly, but nobody wants a surgeon who weeps into your wounds.
DO you think altrusim necessarily needs one to be miserable about other peopl's misery ?
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