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29 Nov 2004

Am I a bad person?
I had a medical abortion last week (the one with the pills instead of surgery). Now for the history:

So the condom tore with my boyfriend at the beginning of Nov. - but I honestly didn't think that I would get pregnant. (Really don't know why - which is why I didn't go get the morning after pill) So 2 weeks ago, I missed my period and the stick had 2 stripes instead of 1. Went to see my gynae and explained everything to her. My biggest problem about not going through with the pregnancy was that I'm on some serious meds and two of them say that they are a definite no-no during pregnancy because of possible birth defects. My condition has just stabilized on this medication. I decided on the medical abortion and drank all the pills at the times stipulated (was sick this whole weekend). My problems now are this:
a. Abortion per se is against my religion - due to my medical history though, I feel that it was better this way, than to see a sick child suffer because his mom had problems. So I guess this isn't really the problem.
b. My boyfriend does not know about this. I told him that my periods were always irregular and that there were just some different tests the gynae wanted to do to make sure I didn't have some female problem (he didn't ask what female problem). The last to explain the frequent visits to the gynae.

What now? I just cannot see myself continue lying to him. He'll dump me if he finds out anyway, since he really wants children. I just didn't think now was the right time.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

No, you are NOT a bad person. You were being responsible in using a condom, unlucky in that it tore. There were excellent medical reasons for an abortion in your situation, especially considering your necessary meds and the difficulty in achieving balance in your condition. It's up to you as to whether you tell your bf. Should he later find out, he could be hurt to think that you didn't trust him enough to tell him, or to let him share in the decision or support you at the time. But what is done is done, the question is what is best to do in the present and future.
Isn't it amazing how at the mention of "female problems" hardly any man every wants to hear anything more about it ? ( and maybe those who do are the odd ones ).
You can decide not to tell him, and hope it never comes to his awareness, or, when you are feeling better, to tell him carefully, emphasizing that you know he wants children and when you are medically fit to do so, want to have healthy and lovely children with him --- but right at this time, your medical condition was too fragile to proceed with a pregnancy. He uses condoms, so he does understand the sense of not having childen YET.
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