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02 Mar 2003

Am I being possesive
Thanks to all who replied on my previous Q Now I want to know am I being possesive. My boyfriend and I believe in seperate time out but I always tell him where I am going what I am going to be doing - I expect him to return the favour which he says I am not entitled to. If he says he will be home at 6 and by 10 he is not home I go into such a rage and demand that he lets me know he is going to be late. When the tables are turned I let him know I am running late or else he hits the roof and says he was worried but does'nt see that I have that same worry I feel he is not being fair and breaking my trust he says I want to box him in and control him????? Please advise.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Dear Spider,
Control, surely, would be trying to control when and where he goes, who he sees, and what he does.
When two people live together, it's perfectly reasonable for reasons ranging from preventing anxiety to simple trivial things like whether to leave the front-door light on ; to expect each other to give the person left at home, a reasonable reliable indication of when they expect to be back, and to call and revise this if it seems likely that their activities will over-run the estimate.
Whether they should feel obliged to say exactly where they're going and what they'll be doing is a bit different, and depends on the relationship. If one isn't doing anything sneaky there's no particula reason to avoid being clear about it ; but some filks might fel tetchy about having to provide such details, mainly perhaps feeling as if they're having to report to Mom on what they're up to.
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