Ask an expert
Question

30 Nov 2005

Am I Harming my Child?
My daughter has been living with my parents in Dbn. She will be 2 in January & I want to bring her back home. She was ill earlier this year & I had to take her out of creche. She needed to be cared for & I had to go back to work. So I sent her to my mum in Durban. I live in Joburg & my husband & I visit our daughter at the end of every month. We have no other family here in Joburg.

Please understand what it is like to live so far away from my child. I am depressed all the time. I am not seeing her grow & enjoying all the things kids do. My husband & I miss her so much & we just want our baby home. My family however think & I am very selfish. My child is in a stable home & I am taking her away. I have been told that she is too young to adapt at a creche. She will get depressed & get very ill. I am not capable of taking care of a child, because I work. I won't be able to take as good care of her as my mum does.

I amde a mistake of mentioning to an aunt yesterday, that we would like to have another child in the next 3 years - my daughter will be 5 by then. My aunt was very insulting & asked me how would I manage to have another child, & how who will take care of my child as I am not capable of being a mother. I apparently made my daugter ill & dumped her with my mother. My daughter has a dairy allergy. We didn't know & neither did her doctor. She was hospitalised & after numerous tests, the doctor told us that she is allergic to dairy. She spent a week at hospital. I had to go back to work as my leave was up. So I left her with the one person that I trusted 100% to give her the best care possible - my mum.

Now I am unsure of myself & very confused. maybe everyone is right. I will not be a good mother. I work & will only spend time with my child in the mornings, evenings & weekends. My husband tells me to ignore everyone, but how can I when they keep telling me I am not capable of taking care of a child, I won't spend enough time with her, I will make her sick, she will miss her grandparents & uncles, etc

Please help me. I am going crazy. What should I do? Am I just being selfish? Am I only thinking of myself & not the wellbeing of my child? Will this cause psychological harm to her? We love our child very very much & miss her terribly. We want to see her grow & be a part of her life.
Answer 446 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

The world is full of children who go to a good creche and are happy and grow well, and have no problems about it at all. You are not being selfish to want to have your own child with you. She will NOT get depressed ( maybe a bit upset for a week or two ) and will NOT get very ill. There is no reason at all to suppose that you are or will be, a bad mother. Its probable that a majority of children in this country see less of their parents than your child would see of you and your husand with the creche arangement. Ignore the fools who are making you unhappy by parading their ignorance, and ignoring your needs, and those of your husband and child. You are obviously a fine and loving mother, and your child will only benefit from more exposure to your love. It is QUALITY of time with the child that counts far more than quantity.
I agree with mango girl.
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.