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10 Jan 2005

am i making a BIG deal out of nothing?
iv been dating a guy for almost 3 months now.it's great.he is fab,things went a little faster than we both expected and we are madly in love with a hectic sex life.there r no problems. well except 4me!! im constantly worried about the future,if it will work or not? am i good enough,pretty enough? am i bein a pain? am i clever enough to be with him and all that jazz? i mean iv even brought up the fact that mayb we should brake up coz im feeling alot and im so scared of it.and getting hurt!!?! i talk to him about it often.he says it worries him and im scared i'll push him away. wat makes things worse is that we r both varsity students and now that holidays r over we have to get back into our hectic studies and im worried we wont see eachother often and it will fall apart!?! any advice,plz?
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Some of us have obvious problems with self-esteem and self-confidence anyhow ; for some of us, such concerns only really surface when we find outselves in a situation, like a relationship that seems likely to be special, when we start to get self-doubts and concerns that somehow we're not good enough to keep it up.
In your situation, look at the facts --- he appears to be "madly in love" with you, with "a hectic sex-life" and all this with a girl he finds a pain, not pretty or smart enough for him ? he surely has many alternatives, but has chosen to be with you. And to some extent, maybe also you're feling scared of the strength of your own feelings, and not sure about how to deal with them. You ARE worthy of this, or any good relationship, you do deserve it --- so enjoy it. Don't let yourself get to intense about it, as it does twend to put guys off when you seem insatiably needy and intense, and he fears he won't be able to handle it.
Beyond Tired makes excellent points about talking to him about what's happening, and how you feel, and what you fear. Some folks seem to get so darn busy HAVING their relationship that they hesitate to talk about it, which is a really necessary part of any healthy relationship.
ERnjoy what you have while you have it, and don't get so overwrought about trying to control the future.
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