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10 Dec 2004

I don't know whether I love him too much or I am just a total idiot, the thing is this year my two year steady boyfriend had a baby with another woman. The baby should be 10 to 11 months old I'm not sure becoz when I found out the baby was already four months old. The painful thing is he wasn't the one who told me about the baby but I found out thru' a colleague of his that he is gonna have a baby with a woman he works with!!! Apparently he was dating her before me and I couldn't have been the wiser until the baby came. What's even worse is he asked me to have a baby with him and I refused, couldn't have a baby out of wedlock (old fashioned, I know) but I still want so much out of life and I need to continue with my studies, my life has just begun so I couldn't see myself with a baby.

I confronted him about the baby issue and he told me everything, twas the most painful thing he could've done to me but I forgave him or at least I thought I did. But as the weeks and months go by I still get angry, that how could he do this to us, to our relationship? I can't even bring myself to meet his baby it's still too painful and the thing is I don't know if I'll ever get over this becoz I feel cheated each time I think about his son, that he should've been mine and I don't know if that will affect my relationship with his son.

I've tried to leave him but have found it hurts too much but I sometimes ask myself is he and the relationship are worth that much that I can just compromise myself and everything I believe in all in the name of love??? Am really hurting.
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01 Jan 0001

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