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15 Jun 2011

Bf triggering anorexia
I am recovering from an eating disorder which has left me weighing more than I ever have. I discovered that my bf is on forums looking at pictures of thin, attractive, naked women and commenting on how much he''''d like to have intercourse with them. I''''ve asked him on previous occasions to stop doing this sort of thing as it really upsets me but he hasn''''t stopped. I now feel betrayed, inadequate and like I''''m slipping back into my anorexic tendencies. Please help me. I''''m falling apart.
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Eating Disorders Expert
Eating Disorders and Obesity Expert

01 Jan 0001

Hello Sad,
The other reader, Kasandra, has given you some very valid advice. While you must have worked extremely hard to take your self into recovery, it appears that you are recognizing the fragile way in which an eating disorder can rear it's head so easily as soon as a stressor appears. While I could elaborate on your boyfriend's concerning problem with fantasy internet pornography, it appears that you have vey little control over this preoccupation of his. You need to focus on what is most important to you here. Does this relationship essentially add value to your life and self-value, or is the relationship adding more stress and self-loathing? That might be a difficult one to answer, as you appear to have already condoned his fantasy addiction. Be very careful that your boyfriend is not inadvertently becoming a weapon by which you are allowing yourself to be hurt over and over again. If you are working hard towards your self-acceptance, be careful not to allow him to now be the destructive force your anorexia was, and appears to be possibly becoming again. I would suggest that you seek some professional assistance and see a psychologist, perhaps the one that helped you before if you received help for your eating disorder. I could possibly assist you with a referral to someone in your area if you need. Post a new question to me in that regard. I would not suggest couple therapy just yet, as I think that you need to explore whether you really want to try and rehabilitate this relationship. I have to say that it is very unlikely that your boyfriend is going to change his attitude and preference for slim woman, and you need to be very careful that you do not try and fulfill this unnecessary need of his. A relationship has to reach deeper than that. As Kasandra quite rightly said, you need to be looking more at your relationship with you here, and not preoccupying yourself with changing your troubled man. I hope this helps, and wish you strength.
Regards,
Graham
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