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14 Jan 2008

bipolar, think i'm loosing my mindI get
Last year I spent two weeks at a psychiatric clinic in Pretoria after beign diagnosed as bipolar. My psychologist thought it would be best for me to go there, as I was very self destructive. I blew over R100 000 in one year on gambling. I wanted to die. I was put on epilim 500mg and some other stuff but about 6months ago stopped using the meds. I feel like i am going crazy. I cannot control my moods,it feels like I go through 20 different moods a day. Sometimes I cry, other days I can't even shed one tear. I have feelings of guilt, self hatred, a low self esteem, I sometimes go without shaving for days and even skip showers, where as I use to be so concerned about my appearance, I now feel nothing.
I don't want to go back to the clinic. I am just so confused at scared. It really feels as if I am loosing my mind. I've been paranoid from a young age, I get anxious around lots of people,and I feel like a social misfit, also thinking that people are saying things about me, behind my back.Other days, I feel that I just dont wanna live anymore, and then on other days, it feels as if life is only starting and I start gambling again, and then I hit the bottom and get depressed again. How can I live my life in this way. I feel like a total failure and fear that my sexual promiscuity will eventually lead to my death.
Answer 465 views

01 Jan 0001

Dear r,
Hmm. Did you stop taking the meds, and not tell your shrink, or also stop seeing the shrink ? THis sounds like the degree of problem one usually can't manage alone, but which ought to be remediable with the right sort of expert help. Clearly bad habits like the gambling and promiscuity risk your life and savings, so any expenditure towards fixing this would be well worth it. Being in a clinic might offer some safety when a person is potentially self-destructive, but doesn't often offer a great deal more than containment and some security. What matters is to see the best available local shrink for a thorough assessment and advice, and to get into proper treatment --- and from the sound of it, for you, this would probably need medication, caefully chosen and adjusted, AND psychotherapy of the CBT form. This can deal with the individual problems you mention, which must be very uncomfortable and unpleasant --- and when that core has been properly brought back under your control, you may well find no need for gambling or promiscuity.
But you MUST be seeing the best available shrink. And discussing and collaborating on serious treatment. You are no freak, and have no need to feell like one.
Mel, unless there is some rare organic disease at work here, and it doesn't at all sound like that, I would think psychotherapy might well be part of the solution --- why not suggest a second opinion, specifically from a good local CHILD psychiatrist or child psychologist ?

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