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05 Jan 2005

Boyfriend advertised on dating site
Hi Doc

My boyfriend and I are in a relationship for about a year now. After the first month that we knew each other, he moved in with me. About three months later we had a braai at his house for a change. I saw an A3 photograph of 2 beautiful girls on his wall (they are twins). It is his friends and he always puts photo's of his friends against his walls. There are only one other photo (of his Mom and Dad). He told me that is because he has no other photo's of friends here - all are back home in his house in Transvaal. Every time someone asks me who those 2 are and I said it is his friends, it hurts. All our friends told me to tell him to take it off - if you are in a relationship with someone you don't hang only one photo on your wall. I heard that he was pretty much in love with the one twin and tried to charm her off her feet, but she wasn't interested. Just wanted to be friends. After that, he met me. We had a fight about it, because I felt that he only chose me because she didn't want him, but still is his first choise - that's why she is hanging on his wall. After a while one of his friend told me that he has the same photo as a background on his laptop at work. Why would he do this? I confronted him and he told me that it meant nothing. He had it on for a very long time and should have taken it off. He will do that. Good, he has done it and also removed the photo from his wall. I feel terrible, because I feel that he is dreaming about a relationship with her. I am supposed to be the woman in his life, but another girl is sitting as a background on his PC. If it was a PC that he would turn on just a few times a year, one can understand it, but he is working on his laptop every minute of the working day!

About a month ago he started to become very silent en intolerant with me. Silent - barely talked to me. Just watch television. Don't touch me anymore. I couldn't do anything right. I asked him what was wrong - if he still loved me and he flipped - told me nothing was wrong and I should believe him when he told me he love me. He does and he doesn't HAVE to be with me. He wants to be with me. One of his friends was also concerned and told me he has advertised himself on a dating site and has met a beautiful girl. They are writing to each other. I confronted him about it and he flipped again. Told me there is nothing between them. He has seen a popup menu on the internet and wanted to test it to see how it works. She is his friend now and I must except the fact and believe him that they are just penpals.

What worries me the most is that he didn't have money that month and received everything from me while I suffered just as much, but he had a few rand to spare to pay to write to this girl.

I am very confused. I feel hurt and as if I am not good enough. He tells me he loves me and wants to be with me, but I am not convinced, because of this. He never make me feel special. I would have felt special if he hanged a photo of me in his house. I am part of his life and he doesn't do that.

Am I just jaleous or should I see the red lights flashing??
Answer 413 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

I see red lights, too. Aren't you a friend ? And no photo of you up there ? And you said he moved in with you --- so it's on YOUR wall that he hangs the picture of these other women ? And then the dating site ? Ask him to move out, and take his photo with him.
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