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15 Dec 2005

Boyfriend's drinking
I have a great boyfriend. He is very involved in his church and tries to do as much good for his fellow man as possible. This attracted me to him.
He drinks too much tho. When he is with his bunch of friends, they do nothing but drink! He i very close to these friends, and they too are very good people, but don't seem to realise that drinking isn't a game. When they're sober they're great , when they drink, they fight with each other, not physically but they verbally abusive etc. Even my boyfrined has a change of personality. They always at each others homes when they drink, never in public.I dont drink so he always comes to my place sober
but I have noticed, that if I call and he has been drinking, they way he speaks to me and deals with meis verbally abusive. When I confront him re this when he is sober, he denies that he will ever swear or be nasty to me. Last week he once again drank and accused me of horrible stuff, he added that if I can't accept him as he is, I should stop seeing him. He denies having said this, but i have broken up with him. We share a daughter and are still friends. How do i help him. He does have a problem and he is a good person, and for our sakes as a family, I don't just want to walk away and reject him. How can i be helpful and supportive without seeming to want to control him or tell him what to do. I'm not prepared to just walk away from him as a friend... as i said, we are family and he is a good Dad.
thanks
Answer 384 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

He is highly unlikely to give up the excessive drinking while he keeps these heavy-drinking friends. If he insists on remaining unchanged, with an alcohol probl;em and intermittently abusive, then give him an ultimatum --- either he seeks expert help with his drinking and joins you in marriage / relationship counselling, or you accept his invitation and walk away, because you deserve so much more than this.
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