I had bulimia on and off for 12 years. I am 34 weeks pregnant now and made myself throw up a couple of times. I've quit again a month ago out of concern for my child. But, I've done it about 3 times in the last 2 weeks. I really hate myself for doing it. It is as though my brain shuts down for that couple of minutes. Before and afterwards my brain is flooded with thoughts of guilt, fear, memories etc. I am really confused and afraid. I am scared for my child and can't stop crying some days. And I want to stop completely. Right now it is the fear that I've hurt her that is eating me up. Every day I vow not to eat too much. I feel like a complete failure. Will my baby be alright? Can I go on as from today with peace in my heart? Or must I believe that I am a failure. What could have gone wrong by now? I cannot admit this to my husband or anyone near. I did before and the results was not good at all. I know I can stop. Pleace give me some peace of mind.