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29 Jul 2005

Buying friendship or form of Affection
Hi All.

I have a friend that loves buying me gifts, very expensive gifts ranging in the thousands. I am not a matreial boy and earn good money myself and drives a nice brand new car. He is involved and loves his partner but somehow I feel that there is more to it than just enjoying giving me things.

He always tells me that we are best friends and will be brothers forever but in between things he acts very strangely.
He gets very jealous if I spend too much time with other male friends and always try to be better than them. For example if he finds out that I have been spending time with a friend at a particular restuarant he would then make sure that he takes me to a more upmarket restaurant paying for everything. I must say what he tells me and what he does are totally different and it confuses me like hell.

I know for a fact that talking to him about his behaviour would only put his back against the wall and that would leave our friendship tainted.

Is it normal for friends to be so giving? Its not things that one actually needs but its all luxury goods. If its clothes its some of the most expensive labels on the market. I dont want to feel as if I am being bought cause thats not what I'm about. Sometimes I get a gift every weekend for a whole month. and then every second weekend, but every month I get something. for the Past two years its been like this and its scary.

What will happen if I get involved with someone is he gonna accept this? How will he behave because thus far he deliberately tried to sabotage every potential relationship. I didnt see it like this before cause he is involved and love his partner and he always tells me I am his bro'.. but hell!!!! This is a bit excessive dont you think?

Please advise...







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Expert
Gay, lesbian and bisexual expert
Gay, lesbian and bisexual expert

01 Jan 0001

Hi Cooler and thanks for your posting,

There's little sense in questioning the gift-giver's motives - only he could explain what motivates him to be so generous in lavishing you with gifts. He obviously benefits in some way otherwise he wouldn't continue with this costly game.

There are three people involved here. I'm curious about your friend's partner - where's he in all of this? He seems to have somehow become invisible. You sound powerless in the relationship with your friend, to the point of expressing concern that he'll sabotage your future relationships (as he has done in the past). I think you need to admit that you're more powerful in this scenario than you acknowledge. In fact, you're the gate-keeper in this scenario and you have the power to close the gate on the gifts and the friendship if and when you want to. You need to assume that responsibility.


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