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12 Mar 2004

calling each other names
Hi there my bf has a friend that he knows for a long time and is a good friend? He often phones my bf and call him bitch and babe and that his going to slap his ass if he doesnt go with him like he promised go drink a beer or something. Now my bf is into things like slaping ass. I am worried that there happend something in the past between the two of them like gay or something. Must I be worried he send him a message that he promised that he will go clubbing with him now we are going tonight and I want to confront this guy and dont know what to say to him, but want to know what is going on??? Please help he aswell when we were at this resturant he touched this friends thigh under the tabel and I saw and confronted him and he said he was only joking because he knows his friend doesnt like it and is going to react to it. Am I seeing something that is not there these days all men becomes gay so I am a bit worried. My bf says he doent like men in that way but he is not going to admit it.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

baby, it's hard to interpret the behaviours you describe. There was a time, not long ago, when the idea of male homosexality was so socially unacceptable, especially among young men, that guys who actually were gay would feel they had to go to great lengths to hide the fact and to pretend to be straight. It is an excellent advance in society that this is no longer so, at least not to the extent that it once was. But there's no evidence that "all men are going gay" --- just that more men ( and women ) who are actually gay, don't feel too scared to admit it and to live with the freedoms straights have always been able to take for granted.
And oddly, some young guys ( and girls ) think it is funny, almost smart, on occasions, to mimic gay flirting, as if it was any more funny or odd than straight flirting. ( Flirting may be great when it's welcome and aimed at you, but it seldom looks dignified or appealing to an outside observer !)
It sounds as if these two guys may be teasing each other, rather than carrying out actual acts of lust in public ! And, because you are rising to the bait, one or both may be teasing you. it doesn't sound likely to be a serious indicator of sexual orientation.
Has there ever been a more physical relationship between these two guys ? Possibly, it's not uncommon, even among basically straight guys. But I think what you might more fruitfully worry about is that it sounds as if the quality of communication between you two is less than it should be, if you can't discuss this calmly and be reassured about it.
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