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05 Feb 2009

Can sexual molesting affect a marriage?
Hi CS,

My marriage was hell, sexually, from day one my ex wife just hated sex, she tried where she could but she just could not get ' into it' . We were fine for 2 years while we dated. But as that wedding ring went on, she switched off, for 7 years. We went to a sex therapyst for a course of treatment, she had hormone tests, tried most things. But nothing worked.

I know she was sexually molested as a child cause she told me so while we were going for pre marriage councelling. Then her dad committed suicide 4 years ago, and then she just totally dried up physically, emotionally and obviously sexually as well.

My question is could this have been one of the causes for her to hate herself (she is a beautiful women) when she looks in the mirror, hate what she has become in life (quite successfull), and totally pull away from me ( i was a good husband), which ultimately led to our recent divorce. Can these issues in her life have compounded ' normal'  marriage quibbles, to huge and massive marriage problems that she could not see a way around. She initiated our divorce, I wanted to try and save us.

Regards
Rick
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Of course it can. Not inevitably, but commonly. I wonder what sort of "sex therapist" she saw, as there are no recognized specialist qualifications in sex therapy, and one usually does better top see a more generally skilled psychiatrist or psychologist competent in but also beyond, sex therapy, and able to look for and deal with issues such as abuse, as well. Regarding her sexual abuse --- do you know ehther her dad was the abuser ? If so, that would have added to the conflicting emotions in her reaction to his death. People mwho have been abused often to come to blame and dislike themselves, and sex, IT would be so adviseable for her to see a good general psychiatrist or psychologist ( again, NOT someone who specializes too exclusively in problems of sexual abuse ) to work through all this, for herself. She may reconsier your relationship later if she can work through this --- she probably rejected marriage itself, rather than you.
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