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Question

02 Aug 2006

Cant accept help
Hi shrink

Im starting to think more and more that there is SOMETHING wrong with me. I cant take help from anyone.

For example last night i went to go change the kitty litter (A job i HATE) and i bought kitty litter in a 10 KG bag, anyway i also just had my nails done (the only way i can stop myself from biting them) and they are a little too long and i havent had time to file themj down yet. So i was busy trying to lift the bag of sand the broom and the plastic bag to empty the old sand into when my hubby walked in and said "would you like me to help you?" well YES obviously but i opened my mouth and out popped No thank you. Lifted the bag and hurt my nails AGAIN.

when people come for dinner they always ask if they can help me with dishes afterwards and i always say no. or if my hubby offers to help me clean up i always say no.

Why cant i accept help?? I think most of the time (with hubby anyway) i always think well if you really wanted to help me you wouldnt ask, you'd just help. Cos thats what I do. If i am at my father in laws house and hes busy cooking or whatever i dont ask i just pitch in and help.

If someone is asking if you want help do they sincerley want to help you?? And even if they dont why cant i say SURE grab that broom ...??

i has a shrink once who said i was too Independant and the last shrink said i was too nice... are they right? is that why i refuse to be helped?
Answer 383 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Maybe start practising the art of accepting help, deliberately, and with exactly these sort of minor examples. Many nice people will not "just help" without asking, because many other people resent that, and insist on being asked. So it sounds more as though your problem is not so much with accepting help, as in asking for it.
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