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14 Jan 2005

Cant cope anymore
I have a very close friend who has endless problems with her husband.She has no support from her family and I am her only friend.
I have always been there for her.Her husband abuses her mentally and physically.I have given her too much advice, even called POWA on her behalf, but she does not take the advice.
I am now at the point where I am having problems in my own marriage.I feel that her marital problems are taking a toll on my life and my giving her advice is futile.
She calls me severla times at work with questions like: What should I do?, and I feel like telling her that I have told her what to do so what else does she want me to say.

Can anyone give me advice on how to deal with this.I have had enough, yet I am all she has.
Answer 415 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Actually, your working so hard to help her isn't helping you at all, and really isn't helping her --- it's helping her to avoid getting proper help herself and taking the steps she needs in order to sort out her problems. Until she decides to take the poper advice ( fro POWA etc ) she cannot be helped, but only encouraged to take those necessary steps. You can't do it for her. It IS futile to give advice to someone who refuses to take it.
You can make it clear that you care, and will be prepared to support her once SHE consults POWA herself, and takes the safest steps to rid herself of her abuser. But that until then, you find no joy in talking to a brick wall, and need to attend properly to your own life. And excellent advice from the other readers, too
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