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22 Jan 2008

Child molestation survivor
Hi

I was between 5 - 8 years old when the gardener we had working for us molested me sexually. Im now 24 years old. My family never talks about it and i can only go on what i remember. I am certain that there was penetration and a whole lot of other terrible things. My problem is that i have now for the first time found myself in a potential long term serious realtionship and sex is inevitable. He lives overseas but we r soon to be going on holiday together. I have spent my entire existance pushing men away and i have had relations with other men but never a serious enough realtionship to have sex, i push them away before it gets to that point. I really like this guy and i want to sleep with him, I dont even know if im still considered a virgin or not. Do i tell him before we get there or do u think i should keep it to myself?

What do i do?
Thanking u
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Amazingly, some children experience such ugly episodes without remaining troubled by it, and others retain troubling concerns which cause them misery and limit their freedom to enjoy life. If your experiences have led you to fear sex and avoid relationhips, this deserves therapy to set you free. I believe CBT ( Cognitive-Behaviour Therapy ) is the best way to do this, as analytical style counselling takes forever without achieving anything useful and could make things even worse. Its not useful to dwell in great detail on what precisely happened, as that's much less helpful than some people think --- what's needed is to look atthe assumptions and beliefs, etc., it has left you with, to what extent these negatively impact on your life, and to repair them
You are still a virgin in all senses that really matter, morally and psychologically, even if perhaps not in a strictly anatomical sense. Don't blame yourself for whatever happened to you, and get the help you deserve
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