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25 Nov 2005

Coco, Pepper, Thia, Counsellor
Hi, I am also in the same boat. Hubby tested +, just after i had a baby. It is still dificult for me, though we are happily living +- life. I took test and came back -, and i have not been for the second time. I am too scared. I am terrified. I think i still enjoy believing that i am negative. Well, It's been a year since we have known and i guess here we are, surviving.

I need to go for second test, but i do not have the guts to do it. My mom is the only one that knows about this from my side of the family, and on his side all of his family members know. I have all the support from my mom and i would like to ask her to come with me for second test, but at the same time i am scared she will die if the tests come out positive. It's still a bit tough for me as i am not certain about my status.

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Expert
HIV Counsellor

01 Jan 0001

Hi Laydee!

This sounds like a truly uncomfortable predicament. On the one hand, if I understand you correctly, you are already living life with your husband as a HIV+ person, which appears to mean that you take precautions and look after your life. On the other hand, you live with uncertainty and a strong desire to be HIV-, also for your mom's sake.

My guess is that this uncertainty is causing both you and your mom permanent stress, stress that can never be dealt with unless you do the test. If you cannot go through with it without her support, I would recommend both you and your mom to go for counselling prior to doing the test, so that you can both be sure you're as ready as possible for the result. Of course, you can also decide to go through it on your own, with adequate counselling beforehand.

The bottom line is: Make getting tested an important goal in your life, but take time to prepare for it, e.g. by praying and visiting a counsellor beforehand, without the obligation to test.

Keep strong!
Laurent
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