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31 Mar 2003

Comparrison is making me lose my mind!<br>
HI

I HAVE A HUGE PROBLEM. MYSELF AND MY BOYFRIEND ARE BOTH DIVORCED FROM OUR EX`S.
MY EX IS NOT A PROBLEM BECAUSE HE HAS MOVED ON WITH HIS LIFE. ON THE OTHER HAND HIS EX IS A HUGE PROBLEM... SHE KEEPS TRYING TO INCLUDE HERSELF IN HIS LIFE . SHE HATES ME AND USES THEIR CHILD TO MANIPULATE! SHE SAYS THINGS AND DOES THINGS THAT AFFECT ME AS A PERSON, MY SELF CONFIDENCE IS GOING DOWN THE TOILET! THE REASON IT IRRITATES ME SO MUCH IS THAT I CANNOT SAY ANYTHING TO HER BECAUSE IT WILL COST MY BOYFRIEND HIS SON , WHICH I DONT WANT TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR! SHE IS ALWAYS TRYING TO GET IN CONTACT WITH HIM AND USES THE EXCUSE THAT IS ABOUT THEIR SON!

I AM NOW TIRED OF HAVING TO PUT MY FEELINGS AND NEEDS ASIDE IN ORDER TO PLEASE HER SO THAT IT DOESNT AFFECT HER! I THINK SHE KNOWS HOW THIS AFFECTS ME, SO THAT IS PROBERLY WHY SHE KEEPS DOING THIS!

PLEASE WILL YOU GIVE ME SOME ADVICE ON HOW TO HANDLE HER WITHOUT LOSING MY BOYFRIEND??????
Answer 451 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Dear SVL,
Maybe you and your bf need to get some proper legal advice. As I understand it, an Ex is NOT allowed to play games, to the detriment of a child, in order to manipulate her Ex, nor is she allowed to unreasonably limit his access to that child, and I believe some recent court decisions have made this more usefully clear.
For her to contact him about the child could be both reasonable and necessary, and of course no reason for you to feel alarmed or upset. But if she is using the situation to manipulate him and you, and in order to be hurtful, then she should be stopped, and it ought to be possible to do this legally and firmly, without incurring any risk of his losing access to his child.
Also, why not spite her by not allowing her grubby litle games and malice to affect you ? It's up to you to allow yourself to be devasated by her remarks and actions, or to rise above them and ignore the. Why on earth allow them to undermine your self-confidence ? If a neighbour's dog barks at you ( with more reason that she has to annoy you ) you don't let it make you decide you're an awful person --- you just ignore the noise and walk right past their garden. Do the same with this woman.
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