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29 Jun 2011

Hi Doc

I have a concern, My boyfriend and I lives in 2 different towns, he is very jealous I think? I’ m not allowed to visit my brother or sisters without him, I’ m not allowed to go out with my friends, and if, I’ m only allowed to go to one place, I have a time to be back at home. If I visit my sister, he calls or SMS constantly to find out where I am, what we are doing. If my sister decides to go out for the night, he gets mad en said that I can ask them to rather spend the night home etc. His reason for this behaviour is that he don’ t put our relationship in danger by going out, because anything can happened and he said that I don’ t take his feelings into consideration. He wants me to wait until we are together and then go out together! Is this ok?
Answer 435 views

01 Jan 0001

Long-distance relationships between people who are geographically separated are always even more difficult that relationships where you live close to each other and can meet frequently. And there is more room for suspicion. But he sounds vastly over-controlling. Its not his right to tell you what to do, or to forbid you to visit family and friends - that is intolerable, and only likely to get worse. If he can't trust you without all these excessive precautions, then he isn't ready for an adult relationship.
And to say that HE doesn't go out, so you shouldn't, is absurd. He sounds ominously needy and high-maintenance and insecure, and highly unlikely to have a free and happy relationship with anyone until he sees a shrink and deals with his own large problems. YOu'd do best to find a safe and cautious way to end this relationship, and be cautious as such excessively jealous and insecure people can be troublesome or even violent when a relationship ends.
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