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Question

08 Feb 2007

Confused
Family and social issues

I am 33 year old woman, the first in the entire family to have a degree and a stable job now my aunt and their kids are jelous of that. Unfortunately i dont have a kids as yet so every time we have family gathering they will be sarcastic about woman my age not having baby, they will say everything to make me and my mother feel bad.

The social group that i belong to, all the members do have kids and everytime i am with them they will costantly talk about kids just to make me feel out. We do meet once on a monthly basis.
Some of them will ask me from no where that when am having a kid.

relationship issue

I have been so unlucky when it comes to that, everytime i meet a guy he just disappear with no reason within say 3 months of relationship. In 99 i met this guy, he was chaeting but he kept on coming back with the excuses until in 2002 i told him i cannot take it any more. Ever since that he is been keeping in touch asking me to take him back, he is regretting losing me. I 2005 october we met for coffee and we agreed that we will give it a try. At that time he according to his explanation he had enrolled to go and study MBA in london. He left on 31 december without saying a thing, I know that he will be leaving but for him to just dash was another thing. So while that side he called me and apologised for everything ane we continue with keeping in touch.
In August 2006 he came back home, I also knew that he is coming but he did not say which day exactly. All of a sudden i got a call from a woman who was with him at that time saying that she is the fiance and she saw all the love communication between me and the guy on his phone.
I told the guy that we needs to stop the realtionship and he explained that the woman who called me was in love with him before we reconcile and they bought the house together then, when their relationship went sour the woman moved out to rent a place, during the time when he was moving to London the woman opted to come back to the house, and that was the reason why they were together in their house nothing more. The other dare i send him ajoke where one list the names of his/her love crushes and the email will come back to me, there he listed me and other two women and when i reply to him about the women he said they are her kids of which i know his kids' name.

Work wise

I just finished my projects were i legally discovered that my colleque, we all performing at the same level are earning double my salary.
The collegue friend whom we were working together on the project, even though he knew very well how stressed i am on this issue, he is now becoming nasty putting all the unneccessary pressure to me. he is so over excited about this to such an extend that thigs that he used to do he is now delegating them to me just to make sure that on a daily basis i am so miserable.

I spoke to the boss about the salary isssue he promise to do something about it but nothing has been done so far. I am looking for another employment but in the meantime i am so falling apart.

I mean this three issue are the main source of one's happiness. Hou should I cope with this.

Answer 3,270 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

COngratulations on all your excellent achievements. It's a shame that your aunt, etc, are childishly jealous and mean --- just handle them with dignity. It takes a great deal of hard work to get a degree and good jobs --- any idiot can become pregnant, even while they're unconscious --- it is not a CLEVER thing to do. If these folks concentrate on making you and your mother feel bad, then you two should make it clear that you will not attend family gathering where they are present, and will not invite them to any gatherings you hold. And if anyone else in the family asks about this, say clearly that it is because you are both sick of the spiteful and cruel things they always say out of their jealousy over your success.
And can't you form or find a new social group, that is less obsessed with their kids ? Its natural that mothers, especially those who do nothing else in their lives, talk about their kids. But that doesn't necessarily bake them good company for those folks who are interested in other things, and who don't currently have kids.
As for relationships, maybe your lower self-esteem leads you to put up with a second rate man like the guy you describe, rather than getting the better guy you deserve. Seeing a counsellor would help you to gain confidence and work out better ways to find a better class of man.
At work, speak to your boss again, and to HR, about the unfairness of receiving half the pay of a colleague at the same level and work as you, and about him looading more work onto you and bragging about his earnings. If they won't do anything about it, contact the CCMA, Dept of Labour and a good labour lawyer
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