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21 Jan 2009

Confused and heartbroken after an affair
I had an affair with my boss for just over a year, everything stopped last year Nov, when he met someone. We would get together afterwork sometimes during and weekends. I was basically at his beck and call, when i called it off, he would send me sweat sms and i would react by thinking he still wants me and meet up with him....but i was wrong and now i feal used, betrayyed and embarrased. The worst thing about this is, is that i am married nearly 9 years. At the time my boss and i got together my marriage was not going strong at all, and divorce was a daily discussion. I have tried to put everything behind me and rebuild my relationship with my husband, but i find it difficult. Probably because i see my boss everyday, and his charm just .........i have tried keeping to myself and especially out of his way but its hurting to much inside, knowing that he has someone else and that i have just been pushed aside, because that how i feel, i was only good enough for one thing... i need to know how to get through this, please dont judge me i know what i did was wrong. Finding another job is not a solution, i just need the strength to put everything behind.....
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Why do people expect to have affairs and to find happiness in them ? You provided him with free sex and ego boosting, and you allowed him to use you. YOu were apparently uterly content to cheat on your husband --- that there were marital problems is entirely irrelevant --- the solution to those is marriage counselling, not an affair.
Wake up and recognize that your boss's "charm" is just a cheap way to buy sex from you ( and perhaps some other women, too ). If you were prepared to cheat on your husband, with a man who was happy to help you cheat --- what made you assume that he would never cheat on you ?
And yet, you are whining about your own upset at losing your lover, and not a word of sympathy or concern for your husband. Dom you really expect people not to find that obnoxious ? And I really grow weary of hearing from people who do cruel things to other people, but then insist "DOn't judge me !" Why shouldn't people judge you ? While you're feeling sorry for yourself for having recognized that he was only using you --- don't you judge yourself ?
This situation was TOTALLY predictable from the start, almost inevitable. WHy did you not notice that ?
Eddie and Aries make good sense.
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