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19 Jul 2010

Confused- Boyfriend and Baby
My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for 8 years- he''s 28 and I''m 24 years old. We live together, we have shared expenses, we have fun together and overall we have a very good relationship.I know he doesn''t get married (although I''m dying to) and kids has always been a big fat NO...... Or so I thought. On Saturday he went out and when he came back he says he''s been thinking about out relationship and he wants a kid, a little boy and that he''s been thinking about it for a year already. Now we''ve joked around before about what our kid would be like but I thought it was just joking around- nothing serious. So we had a big heart to heart about it (because I''m not ready for one, I want to be married first and quite frankly we can''t afford it). But it made me happy that he wanted something so serious with me. The on Sunday morning he told me to forget what he said, he was drunk, he doesn''t want a child, etc. We got ready to go to the shops and then he asked me (just out of the blue) what would we name our son. Then at the shops he saw a kid drop some chips and he said again that no, he doesn''t want kids, that''s it, they''re messy, etc. I asked him last night to be serious with me about the kid thing and he said he does not want them. I don''t know what to do now- I don''t believe that he doesn''t want kids but at the same time I''m glad that he''s saying that because at this stage in my life I don''t want one. He''s not really one to open up and talk (unless it''s with the help of alochol) and I''m confused now. Shoudl I try talk to him about it again?
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

It's entirely reasonable ( and most of the burden would be on you ) for you to want to be married before bearing his child, and to be sure you can financially support a child, together. What you describe may be a guy who used to be sure he didn't want kids, now looking at the idea from different angles, and unsure of whether he does or not.
There may be no benefit to pursuing the idea right now, but at least now it's on the agenda. Sounds like he's moved from Absolutely Not, to Maybe.
Truth may be spoken when drunk, especially by someone who tries not to talk of important matters when sober.
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