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22 Jan 2009

CS and ALL MEN - PLS advise me???
My man (40) is loving and supportive, but from time to time out of the blue he blows up and gets so angry that he becomes irrational and then he shouts and swears over the smallest thing. (He doesn' t get physical, although I sometimes fear that he might.) This scares the kids, then I take them out of the situation and avoid him altogether for the remainder of the day.

I don' t understand it. Then he sleeps on the couch and the following day want to talk to me and act as if nothing happened. Then he phones me much later the following day to apologise, but as soon as I question his behaviour after his apology, then he gets angry again. He says if he asks forgiveness I shouldn' t question him still !

Please tell me how do I get the message accross loud and clear that his reaction isn' t acceptable and that I won' t tolerate his behaviour? He doesn' t give me a chance to discuss it  he refuses and walks away and I' m not willing to subject my kids to it.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Asking for forgiveness isn't an excuse for not explaining, or not trying to learn why the bad thing happened so that it can be prevented from happening again. Calmly, without challenging him directly, tell him that these ep[isodes are unacceptable, and that you want him to see a counsellor to get to the bottom of WHY these outbursts are happening, and how he might prevent them from recurring.
Again we see the damage caused by those who preach forgiveness as though it was a constitutional right for every transgressor, and a compulsory duty for every victim. If he won't talk about what happens or try to prevent it, then he has done nothing deserving forgiveness
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