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30 Jun 2005

Dad's example
I'm in a second marriage and my two teenage children (15 & 13) see their dad every second weekend. Their dad was married again for 5 years, had an affair with a colleague and got divorced, has been single for 18 months now.

The woman he had an affair with, is seriously disturbed. She sent my daughter sexually explicit sms'es, drinks excessively when they're there, swears, walks around all day in a negligee, and during their last holiday together, they had sex in front of my children. I took the children for counselling, lots of heartache, time, effort and money. The psychologist told my ex in no uncertain terms that he's a bad example to his children, that this woman has serious issues and can't sustain a normal relationship. She had 4 affairs that we know of during her first marriage. She also continually threatens suicide, has taken pills while my kids were there, once ran to the bathroom to get the razor because my kids were offish to her etc. etc.

My problem is this. My ex broke up with her 4 times already, moved in and out within 6 weeks, and the last time they broke up, he went as far as to tell our children that she cheated on him, that she drinks herself into a stupor every night and he must carry her to bed, that she doesn't brush her teeth before going to bed, and that she stinks. Guess what? He's back with her.

My husband says I must let the children sort it out themselves, if they don't want to see her, they can always phone me and I'll fetch them from their dad, but I feel I need to put a stop to my children being exposed to her and tell my ex beforehand.

The problem is, every time he's back with her, he sends me extremely nasty e-mails and letters about what a "tart" I was (before I met him), he also tells the children lies about me, and I fear another onslaught of filth from him. However, when they're separated, he cannot be friendly enough with me. How I wish my children never need to see him again.

Should I just leave it and allow my children to handle it their own way as my husband suggests?

Answer 476 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Maybe you should see a lawyer and revisit the terms of custody and visits --- there is no good reason why the children should be required to visit a dad who is so stupid as to remain involved with such a highly disturbed and dysfunctional woman. As usual, Purple makes sense, and you should indeed apply for sole custody of the kids, with him still required to pay maintenance.
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