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28 Jun 2011

dating a divorcee
hi doc
ive recently being dating a divorced man and he has kids, the problem is he spends almost every night visiting them and has them alternate weekends which doesnt leave much for us, i dont know how to approach the subject with him and i dont want to appear selfish am i being selfish ? he said his kids are his life fair enough i understand but now he is on two weeks leave with them and i cant be around when he has them which makes me feel very excluded but i love him and im so scared of losing him because of insecurities
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Maybe this is a useful reminder that any relationship with someone who has children, has to be a relationship with those children, too, as they are a integral part of that person.
The more significant issue here may be this statement that you "can't be around when he has them" - why not ? If his ex-wife insists on this, then she is being inappropriate and unfair. Whether or not they meet other friends of his is none of her business and should not risk the time he spends with them. This is far more than a issue of your possible insecurity. You need to discuss this calmly but directly with him - you can't have a proper relationship with him without meeting and spending time with his kids. If he for some odd reason excludes you from that part of his life, then this limits all possibilities of a satisfying and lovin relationship between you two
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