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24 Jul 2010

dating MUCH older men
What could the possible drawbacks be of dating a man 15 years older? I could potentially be entering into a relationship with a man 15 years older than me. I''m in my mid twenties. I''ve always connected better with people a good 10-15 years older than myself. My concerns lie in the fact that this man has had two previous marriages, an adopted daughter and just recently a very uncertain and unstable lifestyle. I''ve also never had a ''successful'' relationship and none for more than a couple months. Both of my previous relationships were entirely meaningless and disconnected. I ended them both.
There is something about this man that I''m unusually attracted to (unlike any previous relationships) though it''s clouded by my anxieties around relationships, his age, his past and his possible motives. I cannot even tell if I like him or not, though I definitely feel more for him than I ever had for a man (probably has to do with his apparent openness and intellectual maturity). I''m generally quite an isolated individual and it worries me that I''ve become too comfortable to be in a relationship - not even sure what I could be avoiding. I don''t want a relationship if I''m going to run a month into it.
Some insight please!
Answer 408 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Much depends o differences in emotional and social maturity, rather than just age ; and perhaps on what conclusions he has drawn from his previous marriages and relaionships.
I'm a bit more concerned about your previous failed relationships and your view of what troubled them. And your saying of a relationship you have apparently entered, that you're not even sure if you like him.
AND your comment that he has grown into a "very uncertain and unstable lifestyle"
Maybe some individual counselling would help you to examine your own issues and understand and deal with them better, as well as to be better able to work out whether this is a wise relationship for you.
Amanda raises some sound practical pojts, worth considering, too.
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