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Question
13 Aug 2010
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Daughter''s reaction
I''ve been in an unhappy marriage for years, and stuck around because I thought it is the best for my kids, who I love dearly, to be there for them.
During the past few years I had a relationship outside the marriage and me and the wife recently went our separate ways. Since my daughter found out I am staying together with this lady with whom I had the relationship, she has withdrawn from me. She feels I have lied all the years to them when being confronted with the issue. There was not much else I could do at that stage, I was not in a position to divorce, but very unhappy at home (not making excuses).
I guess she wants to talk it out but I don''t feel like facing all the blame talk that will come along.
It is ironic, if we divorced years ago when they were young, they would have been used to it years ago and maybe our relationship would have been better today. But I stayed, and was there for them and supported the in all ways and got them through varsity, now I get all this resentment.
During the past few years I had a relationship outside the marriage and me and the wife recently went our separate ways. Since my daughter found out I am staying together with this lady with whom I had the relationship, she has withdrawn from me. She feels I have lied all the years to them when being confronted with the issue. There was not much else I could do at that stage, I was not in a position to divorce, but very unhappy at home (not making excuses).
I guess she wants to talk it out but I don''t feel like facing all the blame talk that will come along.
It is ironic, if we divorced years ago when they were young, they would have been used to it years ago and maybe our relationship would have been better today. But I stayed, and was there for them and supported the in all ways and got them through varsity, now I get all this resentment.
CyberShrink
Kids do benefit from access to a happy, or at least a contented parent(s) ; but continuing exposure to an unhappy mariage isn't necessarily beneficial. I don't know the age of your daughter - is it practical for her to perhaps see a personal counselor to work through her own concerns, to clarify these and deal with them ? I gather when youi separated from your wife, the kids stayed with her, so they would have heard almost entirely HER viewpoint on everything that happened. Mayb as your daughter continues to grow up, and get more broad experience of life, she will come to understand you better
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